Rating: 10 / 10
Not only is the book very well told — telling the story of Marcus as he grew up — but it is an incredible introduction to putting the stoic principles to action in your own life. Robertson guides one in applying the methods that Marcus used to overcome adversity and live a stoic life. If the Meditations is the theory book, then this book is the practical field-guide.
Consider how to introduce other sources of healthy positive feelings by:
And here I'll expand upon the points:
Sometimes a "cost-benefit analysis" or "functional analysis" is performed by therapists.
Imagine what would happen to you if you continue exercising a habit, or if you stop doing it. If you did something else instead. Picture how these two paths would grow apart over time, where they might lead you several months or even years from now.
For example. Smoking. Create pros and cons of quitting/continuing the habit. Imagine what consequences would befall you in the future.
Your primary goal at this stage is to identify which desires or habits you want to overcome and to be clear about the consequences of doing so. Your secondary goal is to boost your motivation by developing a strong sense of contrast between the two paths ahead of you and the benefits of change. Motivation is a well-established key to success when it comes to breaking habits, so it makes sense to begin by doing what you can to boost it.
Keep a written daily record of the situations in which you notice the desire emerging. This can be as simple as tallying each time you sense even the slightest inclination to engage in the habit, the first inkling of the desire.
Your first goal should be to study yourself and identify the trigger or "high-risk" situations where the problems tends to arise.
"It's not the things that make us crave them, but our judgements about things" — Epictetus. We are the ones who choose to assign value to things that look appealing.
A way to gain cognitive distancing is to imagine what a role model would do in your situation. Say you're craving some fast food, you might imagine what your role model would do. "What would x do about this desire?"
If you feel overwhelmed by something, you can use "divide-and-conquer" techniques commonly used in CBT. Basically you break your issues into the smaller parts that they consist of, and then they might seem less powerful or overwhelming.
You can, in the same way, do this for the habits that you have. Say you recieve a ton of Twitter notifications every day, and you make a point to check them all. Ask yourself each step of the way (when checking each tweet) "is this really necessary? Would it be the end of the world if I did not do this?"
When you do so, you'll realize that the pleasure you gain from doing this is less that you'd previously thought.
The point isn't to completely remove all of your desires, but to moderate them and restrain yourself from overindulging.
Now that you've identified and gained distance from your habits, it's time to not act upon them.
Do something that gives you a sense of genuine accomplishment rather than just a fleeting and empty sensation of pleasure.
The goal is to replace unfulfilling habits and desires with activities that you find more intrinsically rewarding. Sometimes, not doing something, the very act of overcoming a bad habit, might be considered a virtue, something to be valued for its own sake.
The Stoics thought that if we want to improve ourselves, we should be guided more by the qualities we admire in other people and our true values and principles than by avoiding pain and seeking pleasure. That sort of hedonistic life isn't satisfying, and, as "The Choice of Hercules" implies, we can't flourish as human beings and achieve things we can be proud of until we endure certain feelings of pain or discomfort or forgo certain pleasures.
"On pain: if it is unbearable, it carries us off, if it persists, it can be endured".
¨"Pain is neither unendurable nor everlasting, if you keep its limits in mind and do not add to it through your own imagination".
Cognitive distancing: To view things as they are, without adding external judgement. "It's not events that upset us but our judgements about events".
Complaining about problems makes them worse, and harms our character.
"This too shall pass".
Struggling against things we can't control does us more harm than good.
When we have a reason to endure something, it becomes easier. "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how" — Nietzsche.
The obstacle standing in the way becomes the way.
Acting "with a reserve clause" = performing any action while calmly accepting that the outcome isn't entirely under your control.
Premeditation of adversity. Thinking about which obstacles may befall you so that you know how to act.
In times of peace, you'd want to prepare for war. Likewise for life in general. You'd benefit from saving up while you don't need the extra money, in case an emergency happens, for example.
After prolonged exposure, anxiety will naturally abate (lower itself, levels will recede). This means to face your fears, because you will, in time, not be scared of them anymore. Note that fear is based in the future, because it is the anticipation of a (negative) event that might happen. The most important thing in regards to doing this is that you have to be patient. Your anxiety has to actually abate before you end the exercise.
I want to introduce "Behavioural rehearsal". Basically, it's the mental repetition of events where you perform how you'd like to perform. Say you want to be better at receiving criticism; you'd imagine yourself receiving criticism, and you respond accordingly - in the best manner you are able. I've heard of this being used for sports and other activities as well, so it seems to work in most aspects of life.
Stoics seemed to be great at using cognitive distancing as well as decatastrophizing. There is a list on page 204-205 that details these, and more, ways of 'calming oneself'.
The first step to inner peace from anxiety is to decatastrophize. This means to ask yourself if this really will matter in the long run. How bad is it actually? What will the consequences be?
Something used in CBT today is called worry postponement. You do what the name indicates. Postpone your worries and return to the task at hand. It might occur that you, when you return to the worry, that it is no longer important. If it, however, still is, you can imagine the worst possible scenario with premeditation of adversity. Then after that, you'd use cognitive distancing, which is done by telling yourself "It's not things that upset me but my judgements about them". Decatastrophize.
Overcoming anger is largely done in the same was as described above (in chapter 6).
Here is a quick list of the processes used to overcome anger, seen on page 230-231:
As well as this, here are a list of ten things to contemplate - used to prevent anger. This is not something to combat anger with, but to prevent it from ever happening.
We are naturally social animals, designed to help one another.
Consider a person's character as a whole
Nobody does wrong willingly.
Nobody is perfect, yourself included.
You can never be certain of other people's motives
Remember we all will die.
It's our own judgment that upsets us.
Anger does us more harm than good.
Nature gave us the virtues to deal with anger.
It's madness to expect others to be perfect.